Beer makes skinny

Max shows an image of two ancient Egyptians at a pot or vase, one handing the other a bottle.

New research shows: beer makes skinny people! Ancient Babylonians and Egyptians invented beer. However, none of their old inscriptions and pictures show fat people.. Everybody is always skinny or normal sized.

The next picture has a bunch of graphs and formula symbols like ale squared plus beer squared equals unknown,

Now we throw in a few graphs and formula symbols because that always looks good.

Paul is standing on the scales: In our test with real people, the test subject did not gain any weight even though he had ten beers the night before.

Finally Max states: There was no control group. Please send money (and beer!) to support our future research.

Max, on his laptop: Who needs peer reviews anyway when the result is that impressive?